A wife went to the police station with her
          
          next-door neighbor to report that her 
          
          husband was missing. 

          The policeman asked for a description.
          
          She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, 
      
          has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic

          build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken,

          and is good to the children." The next-door

          neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4,

          chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to

          your children."

          The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"



           -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

        
          
          Antartian by Julie of Chicago 

          An Antartian woman visited a psychic of some local repute.

          In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic
          delivered grave news:
          "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare
          yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and 
          horrible death this year."

          Visibly shaken, the Antartian stared at the woman's lined face, 
          then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She 
          took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

          She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, 
          steadied her voice, and asked:
         
          "Will I be acquitted?"