and there was this . . . 

    bloke who HAD to learn to read music

    'cos he kept saying "mussick".



    woman who's doctor said she was a hypochondriac

    "Not that as well!" she sighed



    man who rang his local library and said "Is that 
  
    the local library?" 

    "Depends where you're calling from" was the reply



    woman who answered her phone with "Who's speaking?" 

    and heard "You are!"


 
    man who's butcher bet him he couldn't reach his favorite

    cuts -

    "Naw - the steaks are too high"



    woman who went to the local "Ramblers Club" meeting,

    but they went on and on, and on.



    man who screamed "Aaaaaargh" in a library and everybody

    stared at him -
   
    but when he did it in an airplane - everyone joined in.


    - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -  



    The Final Countdown by Bombo Prestipino 


    A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a
    complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. 
    "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're
    dying, and you don't have much time left." 
    "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How
    long have I got?" 
    "Ten," the doctor says sadly. 
    "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" 
    "Nine..." 
     

     - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - 


          Hook  by Ralf Schulze - British Columbia - Canada
          ralf@telus.net  

          A man is visiting the city of Vancouver and goes down to the shore.
          There he see's an old salt sitting on a log. He has a peg leg, hook for a
          hand and a patch over his eye. 
          The visitor thinks this guy might have an interesting story to tell, so
          asks him how he got the peg leg. The old salt answers that one-day at sea
          in the Caribbean he fell overboard and a shark came and bite part of his 
          leg off.
          The visitor then asks about his hook and the salt says that on another trip
          to the Caribbean when the yardarm came down and knocked him overboard. Another
          shark came along and bit his hand off.
          When asked about the patch over his eye, he replied, "I was in Vancouver
          looking up at the sky when a seagull went to the bathroom in my eye." 
          The visitor said "That surely doesn't blind a man"
          The old salt says "That's true but it was the first day with the hook." 



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