"Things you need to know" 


> 1).  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
>      for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the
>      hell alone.
> 
> 2).  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
>      leaky tire.
> 
> 3).  It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
>      neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
> 
> 4).  Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be
>      promoted.
> 
> 5).  No one is listening until you make a mistake.
> 
> 6).  Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
> 
> 7).  Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
> 
> 8).  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
>      warning to others.
> 
> 9).  It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
>      without your help.
> 
> 10). If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
>      car payments.
> 
> 11). Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
>      That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have
>      their shoes.
> 
> 12). If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
> 
> 13). Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
>      and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
> 
> 14). If you give a person $20 and never see that person again, it
>      was probably worth it.
> 
> 15). Don't squat with your spurs on.
> 
> 16). If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
> 
> 17). If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
> 
> 18). Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
> 
> 19). Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
> 
> 20). Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
>      from bad judgment.
> 
> 21). The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
>      put it back in your pocket.
> 
> 22). Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
> 
> 23). A closed mouth gathers no foot.
> 
> 24). Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side, &
>      it holds the universe together.
> 
> 25). Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is
>      moving.
> 
> 26). Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
> 
> 27). Never miss a good chance to shut up.


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          by David Figuero http://www.7Search.com 

          A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends  when
          the subject of marriage counseling came up.
          "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great
          relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in
          college, and I majored in theater arts.
          He communicates really well, and I just act like I'm listening."


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