From: "Douglas Jones" One liners How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam." What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroid's. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? pool table. What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko. Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag. Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK! What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet. What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting. How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -