ODDS & ENDS
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       "Where's the tea-strainer?"

       "It's his day off"


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       ["Igloo's no help" by Damarys Ortega, 7MetaSearch.com]
 
       What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? 

       Polaroids. 

       
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       by RainbowBrite 
       This is for my aunt who told it to me


       A ham, an egg, and a toast go into a bar, and order drinks. 
       The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast." 


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       Mushroom  by Qsilver9ss@excite.com 
       Dedication To Jackie and Brittany!


       A mushroom walks into a bar one evening, sits down, and
       orders a drink. 
 
       The bartender then informs him that they do not serve
       mushrooms. 

       "Why not?" asks the mushroom, "I'm a fun guy !"
                                                     [fungi]


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       Attractive Wives by Jennifer Lazzio


       Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading
       the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful
       actress that was about to marry a football player who was known
       primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his
       wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the
       biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." 
       His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!" 



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       What gets wetter the more it dries ?


       A towel  


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        Precisely in the middle of this field is a pond,

        exactly in the center of the pond is a flat rock,

        dead in the center of the rock sits a frog.


        How does the frog get out of the field ?




        He can't - he's dead.



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       Come to Visit by Samantha Oberholz


          Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had
          a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their
          lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got
          a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us." 
          "Great. Where do you live?" 
          "Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the
          apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with
          your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow,
          then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you
          see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right
          elbow and I'll let you in." 
          "Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door
          open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left
          elbow?" 
          "Surely, you're not coming empty-handed." 


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          Pc Terms, by Replay Stuckhart:


          Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled. 
          Worst: Least best. 
          Wrong: Differently logical. 
          Ugly: Cosmetically different. 
          Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.
          Short: Vertically challenged. 
          Dead: Living impaired.


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          Q & A

          Q - What does an Australian call a boomerang that doesn't
              come back? 
          

          A - A stick! 



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          Q & A 

           

          What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front
          window?

         "Looks like rein dear"


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