From Jim at http://www.orbitworld.net/jmorgan/index.html



         

            IT'S SO HOT IN TEXAS THAT ...

  You learn a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

  When the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

  You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

  You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

  You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
  distance.

  Hot water now comes out of both taps.

  It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person
  is out on the streets.

  You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

  You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before
  work.

  No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

  Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
  end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

  You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

  The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

  Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
  laying hard-boiled eggs.

  The cows are giving evaporated milk.

  The trees are whistling for the dogs.

  A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain --not so much for me,
  'cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

  A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A
  Rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the
  Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes,
  I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, we 
  got about two and a half inches of that."

  You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

  You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

  You can make instant sun tea.


  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 


  From : Dimples Parker 


           You Know You're a Texan When...

  You only know five spices - salt, pepper, Ranch
  dressing, BBQ Sauce and ketchup.

  The mosquitoes have landing lights.

  The local paper covers national and international
  headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for local
  sports.

  You can (and do) write a check at Dairy Queen for
  2 Hunger Busters and fries.

  The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

  You think the start of Deer season is a national
  holiday.

  The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's
  sausage making.

  You find 70 degrees Fahrenheit a little chilly.

  You attend a formal event in your best clothes,
  your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.

  You know 4 seasons - Almost Summer, Summer, Still
  Summer and Deer Season.

  You actually understand these jokes and forward
  them to all your Texas friends!


   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  -