From Jim at http://www.orbitworld.net/jmorgan/index.html


> UPGRADING TO HUSBAND 1.0
>
> Dear Tech Support:
>
> Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that
> the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
> software,
> severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that
> operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
> included in the product brochure.
>
> In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such
> as, DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs
> new,
> undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0,
> Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
> invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
> DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3
> to
> fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited
> effectiveness. Can you help, please!!
> Sincerely, XXX
>
> Dear XXX:
>
> This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly
> due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
> Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
> package.
> However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
> creator to run as few applications as possible.
>
> Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
> because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files
> within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so
> nothing is gained.
>
> It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
> the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed
> once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages
> are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
>
> In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications,
> or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install
> Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
> problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
>
> Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
> notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
> HeartBreak
>
> 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this
> strange and illogical system.
>
> Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
> entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
> wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent
> company as an integral part of the operating system.
>
> Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems,
> regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command
> "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
>
> Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
> command.
> Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
> Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
> TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
> additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:
I
>
> APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations.
> Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or
> worse
> yet, to Beer 6.0.
>
> Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create
> FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete.
> Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
>
> Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
> GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run
> all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program,
> but
> it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
>
> Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
> recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
> conjunction,
> these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
>
> After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you
> will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1,
> Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
>
> A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
> MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
> selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
> Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
>
> I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
> 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
>
> We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
>
> Tech Support
>